Marriage Is The Bedrock Of Family and Community Life

Earlier I wrote about the mystery of marriage, established on the final day of creation. At the end of each of the six days of creation God looked upon what He had made and saw that it was good. But strangely, after He created Adam during day six, He said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him" (Genesis 2:18).

Why—really—is it not good for men or women to be alone?

Loneliness is a frightening consequence of our fall away from our Creator. Many examples may be given. One of the strongest overall findings in contemporary social science is that marriage brings a myriad of core mental and physical health benefits for men in particular. The studies did not take into account religious beliefs, but merely measured men by their ages.

One such U.S. study found that nine out of ten married men alive at age 48 would still be alive at 65, but that of ten single men, only six would live to see their first pension check. The suicide rate among married men is about half that of never-marrieds and one-third that of divorcés. A new Japanese study tracked nearly 100,000 people aged 40-79 for ten years and found that never-married men were, quite simply, twice as likely to be dead at the end of the decade. On the whole, the evidence suggests that being single is probably worse for a man’s life expectancy than moderate cigarette smoking.

You may speculate about why this is true? It's probably because married men adopt healthier lifestyles and take fewer risks. Men, left alone, take worse care of themselves. They drink more and exercise less. They forget to report for their annual physical checkups. They have no immediate help on hand if they get pneumonia or fall off a roof while cleaning away leaves. And if they do need hospital care, there may be no one to speak up on their behalf to busy doctors and nurses.

Similar conclusions are presented by Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher in The Case for Marriage—Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better off Financially. The book was reviewed on Psych Page by Dr. Richard Niolon

• The promise of permanency 

Marriage is more of a beneficial relationship than simply living together. The permanent commitment allows spouses to direct their resources to different areas, to specialize in some areas while the other specializes in others. Instead of having to be proficient in all areas, they can divide up their responsibilities and accomplish more by working together.

• Financial security

Married men are more successful in work as well, getting promoted more often and receiving higher performance appraisals. They also miss work or arrive late less often. As for women, white married women (without children) earn 4% more and black married women earn 10% more than their single peers. While some point out that house work for married women (37 hours per week) is greater than that of single women (25 hours), half of that is due to having children.

• Longer Life

Married people live. Single men have mortality rates that are 250% higher than married men. Single women have mortality rates that are 50% higher than married women. Having a spouse can decrease your risk for dying from cancer as much as adding ten years to your life. Single people spend longer in the hospital, and have a greater risk of dying after surgery. Based on life expectancies, nine of ten married men and women alive at age 48 are alive at 65, while only six of ten single men and eight of ten single women make it to 65. A similar study from the University of Chicago showed that happily married couples tend to live longer than the unwed. Married men live, on average, 10 years longer and married women about four.

Married women are 30% more likely to rate their health as excellent or very good compared to single women, and 40% less likely to rate their health as only fair or poor compared to single women. Married men may have better immune systems as well, either from support or from nagging to monitor blood pressure, cholesterol, weight, etc… and may be at less risk to catch colds.

• Better Mental Health

Married men are half as likely to commit suicide as single men, and one third as likely as divorced men. Widowed men under 45 are nine times more likely to commit suicide as married men. Married people report lower levels of depression and distress, and 40% say they are very happy with their lives, compared to about 25% in single people. Married people were half as likely to say they were unhappy with their lives.

Single men drink twice as much as married men, and one out of four say their drinking causes problems. Only one of seven married men says the same. One out of six single men abstains from alcohol, but one in four married men do.

• Greater safety

When it comes to violence, wives are five times less likely than single or divorced women to be victims of crime, and husbands are four times less likely. Further, in that study, 8% of wives and 6% of husbands reported their arguments became physical in the last year. Of the wives who reported physical altercations with their husbands, 18% reported significant harm (e.g., cut, bruised, or seriously injured) for themselves and 7% for their husbands. Thus, Waite and Gallagher conclude, less than 2% of wives and less than 1% of husbands are abused by the common definition each year.

They also noted that about 5% of rapes in 1992 to 1993 were committed by husbands, 21% by ex-spouses, boyfriends, and ex-boyfriends, and 56% by an acquaintance, friend, or relative. Similarly, killings are more likely to happen to unmarried cohabitating women than married women. Thus, cohabitators are more likely to experience violence than married women.

Why is this so? Waite and Gallagher argue that married partners look out for each others’ safety and warn each other about risks. They are also less likely to be violent with each other as they have a greater investment in the relationship. They are more integrated into a network of friends and family, and are not as isolated as a result.

• Better Sex

About 40% of married people have sex twice a week, compared to 20-25% of single and cohabitating men and women. Over 40% of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30% of single women. For men, it’s 50% of married men are physically and emotionally contents versus 38% of cohabitating men.

All of the above information is found in the Waite and Gallagher study. Check it out for more details and references.

Even in our fallen, sin-filled world, with all of the lying, cheating, adultery, quarreling and abuse that occur in marriages, we still catch glimpses of why our Creator said it is not good to be alone. We were made to be in relationship. The marriage relationship of one man and one woman is the bedrock. From this rock flows the water that nourishes and sustains families and communities.