Rebel Son And Grieving Father

We're looking stories from Holy Scripture that tell us about the grieving of parents over the death of children. One such is the story of Absalom, son of King David, born in Hebron of Maacah the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur (2 Samuel 3-18 and 1 Chronicles 3:2). Maacah was one of David's six wives, women he married while at war with the house of Saul, Israel's first king. David married most of those women so he might establish political alliances. The anonymous writer of that history makes no direct judgments upon this practice. The history tells it all.

David's family history is filled with hate, war, murder, adultery, lies, intrigue, rebellion and political maneuvering. What amazes me each time I look at it is the patience, mercy and forgiveness of the LORD God who chose David to lead these people. Ultimately, the story brings us to an out and out rebellion against David, led by Absalom and Absalom's death during the final battle (2 Samuel 18:1-19:15). Absalom's pillar (2 Sam. 18:18) can be found in the Kidron Valley outside Jerusalem to this day.

Lets look at a few details.

Absalom had himself crowned king. He mounted an army of thousands from the north to overthrow David. David's thousands met them in the oak and fir forest of Ephraim, east of the Jordan river, on the north bank of the river Jabbok and near the city of Mahanaim (two camps in Hebrew) in Gilead. It was here that Jacob had a vision of angels (Genesis 32:2) and gave the place its name. Here also was where David had set up temporary headquarters after Absalom's army had driven him from Jerusalem.

David's men defeated the Israelite army that day. Some 20,000 are reported to have died. ". . . and the forest devoured more people that day than the sword" (2 Sam. 18:8). Absalom, known for his beautiful long hair, fled on his mule. But as he rode through the woods his hair became tangled, trapping him in the branches of a great oak. Acting against David's direct command, Joab, David's commander, together with ten of his armor-bearers, caught up to Absalom and killed him. They threw his body into a pit and covered it with stones. At the news of his death Absalom's army scattered and fled.

A Cushite messenger made it to David with the terrible news. David asked, "Is it well with the young man Absalom?" The Cushite replied, "May the enemies of my lord the king and all who rise up against you for evil be like that young man." At that, David was overwhelmed with grief. How often have parents made similar laments upon hearing of their child's death. David cried over and over, "O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!"

David continued to lament his son's death so strongly that his victorious army returned to camp as if they had been defeated. Finally Joab, fearing a worse rebellion, forced David to show himself to his people and resume his leadership. We hear no more in this history about David's grieving for Absalom.

There was more to David's grief than the death of his son. Through his own lust and folly David had earlier lost an illegitimate son after his affair with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11-12). Though that son had died shortly after birth, David was assured that the LORD had taken the baby to Himself in heaven. But Absalom—for him only hell awaited. David was the LORD's anointed king and in rebelling Absalom had rejected the LORD. Little wonder that David sobbed and cried at the news of his son's death.

Not only had Absalom gone to hell, David must bear great guilt for leading him in that direction. Contrary to God's clear plan for marriage, David had taken many wives and concubines. Absalom's mother was one such. David had played the game of thrones with Saul—and won. Besides all that, David was a murderer. He had arranged for the death of Bathsheba's husband and then taken her for yet another of his many wives. What a model for his children! David had failed as a father.

It is bitter indeed when parents learn that a child has died while rebelling against them, their life styles and their religious beliefs. For instance, you may know, as do I, of children caught up in the drug culture who committed suicide or were murdered by their peers or killed in an automobile accident. Bitter and unending is the pain when a parent realizes that this child will never be with them again, even in heaven. Bitter and unending is their pain when they realize that their parenting contributed to this rebellion and eternal death. 

What remains for such grieving parents? Only the confession of sins given to us by David in Psalm 51:1-12.

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.

As David, this notorious sinner, was forgiven, so also may parents caught up in such grief. To them Jesus also says, " I have borne your grief and carried your sorrows. I was afflicted by God and pierced upon the cross for your transgressions, crushed for your iniquities. And now I bring you peace. With My wounds—and only with my wounds—are you healed. But you are and so rest in my peace, for I plead for you and all your family before the throne of my Father in heaven" (Isaiah 53:1-12).