Marriage Is No Garden Of Eden

So far we have examined how Christians view marriage in the light of Holy Scripture. Two purposes have emerged: 1) Mutual Love and 2) Procreation, in that order. The second is both a command and a blessing, but not the primary purpose. The Apostle Paul speaks of a third. He sees marriage as a restraint of sin. That purpose needs an explanation.


First let us emphasize again that our sexuality is not sinful. It is not sinful to be a man or a woman and to have sexual desires and appetites. The problem lies with our sinfulness and with living in a world of sinners under the control of the prince  of this dark world (Ephesians 2:1-3). These inner and outer influences distort our God-given sexual appetites. Sex, as it is called, becomes a god pursued at all costs, even at the price of breaking promises and being unfaithful to those to whom we have committed ourselves. The daily news is permeated by stories of this nature.


This is why our Creator also uses marriage to preserve our lives and to discipline us. Paul writes of this. 

"Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion"(1 Cor. 7:1-9)

Corrupted by our inherited sinful nature our sexual appetites are wild things that long to roam and ravage without restraint. They need to be domesticated, controlled and channelled in ways that bring them in line with the Creator's ordered plan. That plan, as outlined above, is that within the bonds of marriage one man and one woman remain committed and faithful to one another until parted by death. But times come when such commitments are not very attractive. In those moments the sexual passions leap against the fences that control them. They demand to be free to range without controls. They scream that we need some one to love us, because our marital partner no longer does or can. They demand to be fed and tell us that this can only be done by breaking free from the barriers. This leads to what we call adultery (ad-alter, to another), feeding the wildling in another pasture.


Marriage, as we have seen, was instituted by God. His original plan was that within the limits of a beautiful garden one man and one woman commit themselves in mutual love to one another again and again. Marriage was always to be a becoming, never a completed journey (Gen. 2:24). In that garden the two were to learn what mutual love is. They were to learn day by day and week by week what it means to be committed. Sadly we no longer live in Eden and marriage is not always the beautiful garden we sing about. It is rather a land often filled with weeds, thorns and pain, even as the Lord predicted (Genesis 3:14-19). And outside the garden we are continually pulling up those weeds, chopping down thorns and working through pain. Marriage is often not pleasant at all. We are forced to put up with that partner to whom we once made a lifelong commitment. And the drudgery and grief of caring for children seems never to end.


In those moments it is vital that we listen carefully to the Apostle's counsel in 1 Corinthians 7:17—

"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." 

Your partner is the Lord's gift to you. He or she is the Lord's answer to your prayers. You were called by Him into this marriage. Remember again the words, "What God has joined together let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:6). Even as He brought the two of you together, so He also promises never to forsake you. He will ever remain the unseen partner in your marriage, teaching you again and again that He forgives you and loves you. Empowered by His love you learn also to forgive, even as you are forgiven.


In that sense marriage is not merely a place to restrain wild sexual passions. It is also a place of healing and growth. In this place, despite all the thorns and pain, our Lord is teaching us how to love. Within these boundaries we discover that we are supported and encouraged, even as our sexual appetites are fed. In this earthly garden—even though it is not Eden—we become more than we ever could have been alone. We are being led toward that fullness and completion that only marriage can bring. By God's good grace we are ever discovering how to love and finding that we are loved in return.


There is more to say about this third purpose, especially as it relates to children and family, but that must wait until next time.