Healing And Growth In Our Families

We're continuing our discussion of the third purpose of marriage: restraint of sin. 


Have you ever asked a newly married couple if they plan to have children and they answer, "No! We have too many other things to do with our lives?" It happens, doesn't it? Couples reject the very thought of having kids in order to pursue their own self-centered plans.


But then the baby comes anyway, even at the most inconvenient time. And everything changes. I mean everything. This little person demands to be fed, have his diaper changed, put to bed, taught to walk, and on and on. The demands never end. And that is when marriage becomes a most wonderful place of learning, maturity and growth. In the family the children aren't the only ones to mature and grow up. Parents also learn to grow up and take on ever increasing responsibilities.


Of course we all know it doesn't always work that way. Our sinful nature does not disappear just because we have children. It asserts itself in endless ways. And here I'm talking to parents. Sadly some parents beat and whip their children into submission, ignore, neglect, shame, despise or force them into activities beyond their native abilities. They use their children to win their own glory, sexually abuse them, emotionally harass them and more—the list goes on and on.


Unless all in a family learn to control their self-interests—and the all includes both parents—everyone is hurt. How often have I seen that even in Christian homes, to say nothing about those families in which Christ is not present. This is why the larger Christian family, the church, emphasizes the importance of hearing God's Word, renewing our Baptism and eating and drinking at the Lord's Table week by week. These are the means by which our Lord continues the process that began with our rebirth, that moment when His Spirit gave us new life. When Jesus is present in our families to nourish our souls, guide our decisions, forgive our sins and heal our losses, we all grow together. That's a process that continues throughout our lives. It is a process that eventually includes all members of the extended family, grandparents, grandchildren, cousins, uncles, aunts and beyond. 


In this connection we must also speak about suffering, pain, separation and death. Strangely, even paradoxically, these times can even become opportunities to learn and grow. A soldier-husband is called to duty in a foreign country. Mom is left behind to raise and care for the children all by herself. A wife is suddenly afflicted with a mysterious disease that leaves her crippled and Dad is forced to work and make arrangements to care for Mom and the kids. Or even worse. Mom dies and Dad is now a single parent with three small children to raise. All this falls under the command of Jesus to take up our crosses and follow Him. And in those times He does not forsake us, but provides also His Spirit to strengthen and guide. Here is His promise: 

God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Cor. 10:13). 

Those of us who have been so tested look back upon and bear witness to the truth of His Word. He is ever with us as He promises and He does provide a way out of what at times seems to be impossible situations.


To sum up this part of our discussion, the third purpose of marriage is not merely to restrain and control sin. It is much more than that. It is an opportunity for both husband and wife to learn the meaning of Christ's love, that love He displayed when He gave Himself up for us all as a personal sacrifice on the cross (Ephesians 5:1-2). Sin in marriage is not only curbed and controlled, it is most especially forgiven in the name of Christ. Thus its destructive power is removed day by day. It loses the strength to tear apart our families. Christian couples and their families learn that this controlling principle of our new life in Christ works genuine healing in our marriages and families. We learn from the living Christ to be kind and how to forgive one another, even as God in Christ daily and richly forgives us (Ephesians 4:32).