The Duty Of Parents To Discipline Their Children

We're examining the sad fact that many children are abused by parents and loved ones. In that connection I want to take another look at what the Bible says about the training and discipline of children. Here are some proverbs to guide us.

Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death. - Prov 19:18 ESV 

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Prov 22:15 ESV 

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. - Pro 23:13-14 ESV 

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. ... Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart. - Prov 29:15, 17 ESV

In Deuteronomy Moses writes about discipline (yacar) as the duty of parents. He notes that sometimes parents may try everything they can to get a child to listen and understand in vain. Finally, if he will not listen to them, they may have no recourse other than to bring him to trial before the elders of the city. He continues,

. . . then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear. - Deut 21:19-21 ESV

Solomon urges parents to discipline their son so he is not put to death by the courts. Sad to say, thousands of rebellious sons from those days until now have received the judgment of capitol punishment in spite of their parents' training and guidance. At times this happened because parents failed to discipline and train them. The Proverbs above point out why discipline is so important.

Folly (ivveleth) is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. - Prov 22:15 ESV

This folly word is found frequently in the Proverbs. For instance,

He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray. - Prov 5:23 ESV 

The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down. 

A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.  

The crown of the wise is their wealth, but the folly of fools brings folly. - Prov 14:1, 17, 24 ESV 

Like it or not, the fact is that children inherit the sin and iniquity, the folly, of their parents. This is what David reflected upon after his own horrific sins of adultery and murder.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. - Psa 51:5 ESV

Our Lord Jesus taught the same about our sinful human flesh.

That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. - John 3:6 ESV

The Lord was speaking, of course, about the rebirth that comes from the creative work of the Holy Spirit. It is critical that parents bring their children to be baptized and taught the Good News of Jesus. Through these means the Spirit gives also our children a second birth. That is the promise. And happy is the home where Jesus and the Spirit dwell in love and forgiveness.

But parents face another task. They must help their children to face up to their sin, the rebelliousness that remains in the hearts of us all. The battle to overcome this inherited old Adam or old Eve, the sin passed on from generation to generation, remains throughout life. It is for this reason that the proverbs says: "Folly (ivveleth) is bound up in the heart of a child . . ." The critical question then is how to deal with this fact. How do parents discipline and teach their children to confront their sins, admit them, ask for and receive forgiveness and recommit themselves to following Jesus' path of love? This is what the proverbs are all about, even when they speak about the rod of discipline.

In my next post I will say more about methodology, about the how of training children and point you to some resources.