Respect For Elderly Parents In Modern Times

This shows up in The Week By Karina Martinez-Carter | July 23, 2013.

A new "Elderly Rights Law" passed in China wags a finger at adult children, warning them to "never neglect or snub elderly people" and mandating that they visit their elderly parents often, regardless of how far away they live. The law includes enforcement mechanisms, too: Offspring who fail to make such trips to mom and dad face potential punishment ranging from fines to jail time. 

If the Elderly Rights Law is any indication, Chinese parent-child relationships have become a bit complicated lately. Eastern cultures like China's adhere to the Confucian tradition of "filial piety," which prioritizes the family unit and values elders with the utmost respect. But China's rapid industrialization has forced people to flock to urban areas for work, causing many adult children to move farther away from their parents, who often remain in rural areas and are unfit to pick up and move.

 This brings back memories. Back in the early 70s I accepted God's Call to come to Texas from Minnesota in order to begin a new congregation in the suburbs of Houston. I can still remember my own parents struggling with the fact that our family was moving well over a thousand miles away. When would we ever see one another?

We still tell the story of driving up to Minnesota at Christmas time and being caught in a raging blizzard in Iowa after running off the road because of ice in Kansas. It was a harrowing time. On the other hand, it was great sport to introduce our future son-in-law to ice and snow at that time of the year, especially since he had never been out of Texas. We remember how he reacted when we told him we would be having a wiener roast on a frozen lake in northern Minnesota. He was convinced we'd melt the ice and drown. Of course, we didn't.

Nevertheless it does remain a challenge in these days. Soon our grandson and his family will be moving permanently to Alberta, Canada. Now the situation is to be reversed. This young man and his wife who grew up in  south Texas will be living and working in snow country. What does all this say about not neglecting elderly parents — whether in China or in the USA?

The above-quoted article continues with this comment about the elderly in the USA.

Western cultures tend to be youth-centric, emphasizing attributes like individualism and independence. This relates back to the Protestant work ethic, which ties an individual's value to his or her ability to work — something that diminishes in old age. Anthropologist Jared Diamond, who has studied the treatment of the elderly across cultures, has said the geriatric in countries like the U.K. and U.S. live "lonely lives separated from their children and lifelong friends." As their health deteriorates, the elderly in these cultures often move to retirement communities, assisted living facilities, and nursing homes.

 My wife and I have discussed the possibility of moving to a retirement community now that I have become an octogenarian and she is not far behind. It certainly would cut down on our concern for maintenance and upkeep of our property, something to which we currently are having to give great attention. It also could mean that as our health deteriorates we would have built-in care. But, as the article indicates, it can be a lonely life, separated from children and lifelong friends.

This is where local Christian congregations can become important, acting as an extended family for the elderly. The church we attend (when I'm not serving as a part-time fill-in pastor) has often served in that capacity. We have some very loving and attentive people who have cared for the elderly, taking them out, visiting and carrying them to worship, etc. Our congregation has become an extended family for these folks. Perhaps one day they will be the same for my wife and me, especially since most members of our family live many miles away. And please note! Modern social communication can be important, i.e. Facebook, Skype, etc. But it is not the same as face to face contact and it never will be.