Respect For Elderly Parents In Modern Times

This shows up in The Week By Karina Martinez-Carter | July 23, 2013.

A new "Elderly Rights Law" passed in China wags a finger at adult children, warning them to "never neglect or snub elderly people" and mandating that they visit their elderly parents often, regardless of how far away they live. The law includes enforcement mechanisms, too: Offspring who fail to make such trips to mom and dad face potential punishment ranging from fines to jail time. 

If the Elderly Rights Law is any indication, Chinese parent-child relationships have become a bit complicated lately. Eastern cultures like China's adhere to the Confucian tradition of "filial piety," which prioritizes the family unit and values elders with the utmost respect. But China's rapid industrialization has forced people to flock to urban areas for work, causing many adult children to move farther away from their parents, who often remain in rural areas and are unfit to pick up and move.

 This brings back memories. Back in the early 70s I accepted God's Call to come to Texas from Minnesota in order to begin a new congregation in the suburbs of Houston. I can still remember my own parents struggling with the fact that our family was moving well over a thousand miles away. When would we ever see one another?

We still tell the story of driving up to Minnesota at Christmas time and being caught in a raging blizzard in Iowa after running off the road because of ice in Kansas. It was a harrowing time. On the other hand, it was great sport to introduce our future son-in-law to ice and snow at that time of the year, especially since he had never been out of Texas. We remember how he reacted when we told him we would be having a wiener roast on a frozen lake in northern Minnesota. He was convinced we'd melt the ice and drown. Of course, we didn't.

Nevertheless it does remain a challenge in these days. Soon our grandson and his family will be moving permanently to Alberta, Canada. Now the situation is to be reversed. This young man and his wife who grew up in  south Texas will be living and working in snow country. What does all this say about not neglecting elderly parents — whether in China or in the USA?

The above-quoted article continues with this comment about the elderly in the USA.

Western cultures tend to be youth-centric, emphasizing attributes like individualism and independence. This relates back to the Protestant work ethic, which ties an individual's value to his or her ability to work — something that diminishes in old age. Anthropologist Jared Diamond, who has studied the treatment of the elderly across cultures, has said the geriatric in countries like the U.K. and U.S. live "lonely lives separated from their children and lifelong friends." As their health deteriorates, the elderly in these cultures often move to retirement communities, assisted living facilities, and nursing homes.

 My wife and I have discussed the possibility of moving to a retirement community now that I have become an octogenarian and she is not far behind. It certainly would cut down on our concern for maintenance and upkeep of our property, something to which we currently are having to give great attention. It also could mean that as our health deteriorates we would have built-in care. But, as the article indicates, it can be a lonely life, separated from children and lifelong friends.

This is where local Christian congregations can become important, acting as an extended family for the elderly. The church we attend (when I'm not serving as a part-time fill-in pastor) has often served in that capacity. We have some very loving and attentive people who have cared for the elderly, taking them out, visiting and carrying them to worship, etc. Our congregation has become an extended family for these folks. Perhaps one day they will be the same for my wife and me, especially since most members of our family live many miles away. And please note! Modern social communication can be important, i.e. Facebook, Skype, etc. But it is not the same as face to face contact and it never will be.

Stand Up Before The Gray Head

There's a web page I ran across in my search for information about old age. Its called Elder Web. And on that site I learned some important things about Changes in Life Expectancy in the United States during the last century. For instance we white men have gained a 60% change in life expectancy at birth while black men have gained by 106%. That, it seems to me, says a ton about what went on in the USA during the past century. Check it out yourself. There's lots of other interesting information. For instance, the site lists links to

• American Society on Aging
• Center for Social Gerontology
• Centre for Policy on Ageing
• Florida Council on Aging

The Center for Social Gerontology, for example, is

"committed to helping society adapt to the dramatic increase in the numbers of old and very old, and to insure that older persons at all socio-economic and health levels are able to meet their needs and use their talents and abilities in a changing society. We undertake to lead, and even prod, policy makers and others to consider carefully the implications of the aging of America in formulating social policies and programs."

There's all kinds of other stuff on the Elder Web about Aging, Care, College Programs, Diseases, Elder Law, End-of-Life, Finance and so forth. I didn't check it all out so I can't offer any recommendations. All I can say is that there are lots of resources for anyone interesting in surfing the web about aging. 

So, given all that, back to the Bible. What guidance does God's Word provide? Here are a couple verses I frequently use to poke at my younger friends. These are quotes from the KJV. They apply equally to women as well as to men. 

• Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD. - Lev 19:32 KJV
• The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness. - Pro 16:31 KJV

The words about honoring those of us with white hair are part of a list of practical applications of the moral law given to Moses. It flows from the fourth commandment that commands us to honor our parents and those placed over us. The assumption is that one with gray or white hair is a parent and thus deserves our respect. This is as Job said, 

Days should speak, and multitude of years should teach wisdom. - Job 32:7 KJV

As you can see from the proverb, this isn't necessarily always so. As Solomon suggests, that head of hair is a crown of glory IF "it be found in the way of righteousness." If an old man has lived in faith and walked the path of life in obedience to God's will and ways, then we all have much to learn from him. He brings what the Bible calls wisdom--practical, down-to-earth experience on a whole host of matters. Plus he brings a life of caring for his family and others. For this we owe him honor and respect, love and care. 

In much of American society this respect and honor for the aged is missing or slipping away. Why is that? Why so much disrespect for us old-agers? More on this next time. 

Honoring And Caring For The Elderly

Since I am one of the senior citizens of this land, it seems wise to prepare for the inevitable. My body continues to age—there seems but little I can do to alter that fact. I have annual checkups with my docs and follow a planned regimen of a healthy diet and exercise. My wife and I are fairly active in our social life. We interact with friends and family every day. We went with friends out to eat and to a concert this past weekend. We spent an hour on the phone last night planning a cruise in the Caribbean with our family next summer. The planned cruise will follow the graduation of our granddaughter from college.

Yet the time approaches when my wife and I may not be able to manage our own affairs. We'll need the assistance of our children and/or professional caregivers. That's why, as the new year turned, we did an extensive review of our financial situation. Do we have sufficient funds to cover the possible need for home health care? What if we have to move to an assisted living community? We came away from that review satisfied that we are in a relatively good position. I say relatively, because we also realize that we simply cannot foresee every possible scenario. Nor are we going to spend the remainder of our lives imagining the worst. 

In poking around on the internet I found a helpful site, one that speaks both to those of us who are seniors and those of you who will or already do face the challenge of caring for your parents or relatives. I commend it to you. It's called Aging Care—connecting people caring for elderly parents. Lots of good stuff there and many helpful links. Check it out.

This task of caring for aging parents and relatives is not easy. And the fact is there's a whole lot more of us now than ever before. Here's an interesting 2009 comment on life expectancy by Tara Parker-Pope in The New York Times: 

Americans are living nearly two-and-a-half months longer, according to new life expectancy statistics released today. In 2007, life expectancy in the United States reached a high of nearly 78 years, up from 77.7 a year earlier. 

Life expectancy in the United States has been on the rise for a decade, increasing 1.4 years — from 76.5 years in 1997 to 77.9 in 2007, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The life expectancy data, compiled by the agency’s National Center for Health Statistics, are based on nearly 90 percent of the death certificates filed in the United States. 

Doctors say that not only is lifespan increasing, but more important, the “active” lifespan is increasing as well. 

“The most noteworthy aspect about all this is not just that people are living longer but living better,” said Dr. Gary Kennedy, director of geriatric psychiatry at Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx, N.Y. “At the same time, people are living a longer active lifespan. Seniors are healthier, more active and economically better off than they ever have been.”

So many of us are going to be around a lot longer than a few decades ago. This presents challenges—and benefits—to communities and governments as well as families. What are some of the things the Bible says about all of this? Here are a few quotes:

For all our days pass away under your wrath; we bring our years to an end like a sigh. The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away. Who considers the power of your anger, and your wrath according to the fear of you? So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. - Psa 90:10-12 ESV

The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the LORD; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the LORD is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him. - Psa 92:12-15 ESV

The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair. - Proverbs 20:29 ESV 

Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. - Proverbs 23:22 ESV

Good counsel from the LORD Himself. A heart of wisdom has to do with learning both about our sinfulness and also our Savior, Jesus, God's wisdom (1 Cor.1:24). Guided by Him we become both aware of life's brevity, regardless of our age, and life's hope, reaching into eternity.

And note the promise about the righteous, that is  those who walk by faith. "They are ever full of sap and green." Yes, we have His life flowing within and a whole life of experience to share how He blesses, rebukes, forgives and guides. Not all wisdom resides in the youth. We grey hairs have much to share. And so we shall, with love and patience as the opportunity arises.

And finally, a word of encouragement to all caregivers of us elderly. Think about what your parents gave to you. Life is much more than physically breathing, drinking, eating and walking around. Your parents gave you family life and an extended family, guidance and support as you matured and above all, they led you to Him from whom all life flows, even Jesus. If any or all of this is true, you have the responsibility in love to actively listen to them and honor them as they age. Many blessings flow from following the command to honor your father and mother. He promises that your life and the lives of your children will be blessed by the LORD who gave us this command from the beginning:

"'Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. - Deut. 5:16 ESV