Beginning A New Family

Next Sunday is Mother's Day here in the U.S.A. I'm veering off that national topic by asking for a national celebration of  Family Day, especially since the Biblical concepts of marriage and family are now under severe attack on many fronts.

The Canadian provinces of Alberta, Saskatchewan and Ontario commemorate the importance of their families on on the third Monday of February. Family Day is also a public holiday in South Africa, in Vanuatu, in Vietnam and as "Family & Community Day" in the Australian Capital Territory.

Here in the U.S.A. Family Day is a state holiday in Nevada, celebrated on the day after Thanksgiving, i.e. the Friday following the fourth Thursday in November.[5]  American Family Day is a state holiday in Arizona and has been celebrated on the first Sunday in August since 1978.

Family Day was also launched here in the U.S. in 2001 by The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University. Their Family Day is a national movement to celebrate parental engagement as an effective tool to help keep America’s kids substance free. Quite obviously we need to do more than celebrate one day out of the year. Together we must help families confront the multitude of forces at work to destroy them.

Families begin with marriage and marriage is always defined in the Bible as the union of one man and one woman. This definition goes back to the beginning of Creation. Over the years I've offered counsel to men and women planning marriage based upon this passage of Holy Scripture:

So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. - Gen 2:21-25 ESV

My comments are based upon three concepts lifted up in the quoted verses, based in part upon the KJV translation of these words:

• Leave - Therefore a man shall leave his father and  his mother
• Cleave - Hold fast to his wife (cleave once meant adhere closely or remain faithful to)
• Weave - They shall become one flesh

I am summarizing the discussions I have with couples in this week's postings. Here's what we talk about.

I. Leave - Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother

Marriage is between one man and one woman. It is not the union of two families even though it is vital that you both recognize that you are joining one another's families. Unfortunately, some parents do not want to release their son or their daughter to marriage. What about your parents?  Will they feel they have to steer and guide your marriage? Perhaps you've known, as have I, some parents who even accompanied the new couple on their honeymoon.

You both need to talk with one another about your families. Here are some things to consider: What is your family like? Are you a close-knit family? Will your family care if you do not join them for every holiday? Will your mother feel it is her duty to give you advice on housekeeping and child rearing? Will you expect it? What about your Dad? How is your relationship with him?

The Biblical word for leave (azav -Hebr.) does indeed mean to leave behind, forsake, let go. With this in mind you must not let others in the family interfere in your marriage. The task you face is to make your own decisions. Will you be able to do that? Do you even want to?

On the other hand, that does not mean that you cut off all ties with your families. The challenge is to learn how to join your families and develop loving relationships. The commandment to honor parents (Exod. 20:12; Deut. 5:16) does not cease with marriage. However, relationships with parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. dare not come at the expense of your marriage.

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That's enough to get the juices going. We'll have more to talk about next time.

The Challenging Vocation Of Motherhood

Yesterday I was deeply moved by our pastor's sermon about motherhood. The basis for his sermon was words spoken by our Lord Jesus as he told his disciples what was about to happen to him. His words are recorded in John 16. Our pastor focused particularly on the part about women giving birth.

Jesus knew that they wanted to ask him, so he said to them, "Is this what you are asking yourselves, what I meant by saying, 'A little while and you will not see me, and again a little while and you will see me'? Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy. 

When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. 

So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. - Jhn 16:19-22 ESV

Pastor pointed out that the family is under attack and that motherhood in particular is less and less seen as a vocation, a calling in our culture. Women are told they should find something more significant to do with their lives other than merely raising children.

Out in the narthex after the Service one group in the congregation was taking orders for corsages for mothers. We're planning to celebrate Mother's Day in a couple weeks. But is that enough? Should we not be doing more than having a once a year worship service? Do we really believe in motherhood ? Are we prepared to go out of our way to support those women who are moms?

What exactly is motherhood? How do you define it? This is a very difficult question in today's culture. For many women it is not at all a simple question. They also have vocations as writers, artists, teachers, lawyers, business execs or engineers. How does one balance two vocations? And what about the vocation of wife? Or what if you are a single mom? The answers to these and related questions are always going to be specific to the individual.

And the answers will be different depending on the children to whom you are a mom. Being a mom to a mentally challenged child is different from being a mother to a gifted child. And raising one child is different from raising five. And it gets more complex if a woman and her husband are not on the same page when it comes to the how of raising kids. What if your husband has no interest in spiritual matters, for instance? Or what if his vocation as a soldier or a businessman takes him away from the home for months at a time?

Kate Harris writes about motherhood as a vocation. She says, "As I think about what it means to faithfully pursue my work as a mom, I hope myself and others can commit to this larger vision of our role as “culture shapers” who can hold our own beside PhDs and playwrights, lest we be tempted to think our daily occupation as nose-wipers and shuttle drivers is anything less than a grand enterprise."

I'd like some input from some of you my readers this week as I pursue this question. Let me hear from you.