The Cross Of Marriage

My wife and I have often shared the story of how we met and what incidents led us to become engaged and finally married. Every couple has such a story to tell. The Christian couple says with the confidence of faith, "This was the LORD's doing. He led us to one another." Or to use formal language, our marriage is a vocation, a calling. Lets look at that understanding of marriage.

We start by defining what the Bible means by a calling or a vocation. In this life on earth Christ our Lord calls us to follow Him. The old hymn says it well.

Come, follow Me, the Savior spake,
All in My way abiding;
Deny yourselves, the world forsake,
Obey My call and guiding.
Oh, bear the cross, whate’er betide,
Take My example for your guide.

We understand our calling in the light of Peter's words,

"For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps" (1 Peter 2:20-21). 

And again, Jesus words,

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 16:24-25).

There are two calls. The first is a call to faith. That happened when we were buried with Christ by baptism into death and brought forth again to life. As a result, we Christians confess,

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). 

This is His call into the Kingdom, His call to receive the rich gift of forgiveness and life eternal. The second call is to take up our cross and follow Him. In that call we find our lives. Jesus emphasizes this again and again.

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it (Mat 10:39).

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls (Mat 11:29). 

So when Jesus calls us, man or woman, to take up our crosses and follow Him in the marriage relationship, He is calling us in very specific and concrete ways to lose our lives in the service of our spouses—for His sake. In other words, I am called by Jesus as a husband to love my wife, Sylvia, by dying to my own desires and rising again with Jesus to serve her, to forgive her, to care for her, to nourish and protect her. The same is true for each and every Christian spouse. This is what the Apostle is getting at in Ephesians 5:20-26 when he calls upon us believers to serve one another—in the name of Jesus .

Now it may seem strange to use the language of the cross when speaking about marriage. The world around us would certainly reject such an attitude. From the world we hear talk about love, love, love. The offended spouse says, "I don't love her any longer. She's not attractive to me. That's why I fell in love with this other woman. Now I want a divorce so I may marry my new found love."

"Not so," says the believer. "Jesus has called me to take up my cross and follow Him. I will serve my Savior and Lord by denying my self-centered, sinful, selfish desires for the sake of my wife whom He has given to me to serve. I will forgive her and reject the temptation to get involved with that other. I will be there for her, to guide, protect and care for her no matter what. When she offends me, I will forgive her. When she gets sick, I will nurse her. When she is happy, I will celebrate with her. When she is afraid I will protect her. When she is lonely I will come to her. And when she is sad and troubled I will comfort her. This is my calling, my cross to bear in the name of Jesus and as His servant."

The amazing and wondrous thing is that in so doing I find life. I come upon a mystery otherwise hidden from me. I discover what it means to be a whole, complete person. From Jesus I learn a new gentleness, contentment, deep joy, happiness and rest—an inner, psychic peace unknown before.

This is the cross we believing spouses bear in our marriages. And in our cross we find peace and joy!