Weaving Your Lives Together

Couples planning marriage are always excited about the future. I don't think I've ever met a couple that talks about the possibility of divorce at the same time as they talk about getting married. And yet . . . that tragic possibility confronts too many. This is why the Apostle writes about the faithful walking together in love. He writes in his letter to the Ephesians,

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. . .  

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. . . 

Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. - Eph 4:32, 5:1-2, 17-27 ESV

These words fit well with the third of the categories of counsel I offer to couples planning marriage:

Weave - . . . and they shall become one flesh. - Gen 2:24 ESV 

This becoming one flesh, this weaving, happens as  you learn to hold fast to one another (cleave) and establish your own marriage and family (leave). This weaving is a lifelong task, learned from the indwelling Spirit who constantly reminds us that we are children of God, forgiven and loved in Christ. The Apostle urges us to build upon this foundation. He writes,

Therefore: 

• understand what the will of the LORD is
• be filled with the Spirit
• address one another in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, 
• sing and make melody to the LORD with your heart
• give thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus
• submit to one another out of reverence—or godly fear—for Christ

In practice this means that a faithful wife will seek to serve her husband as if he were the LORD Jesus Himself. And the husband will give himself in love to his wife in the same manner as Christ who gave himself up for His bride, the church, upon the cross. Do you both understand that love also includes commitment and sacrifice? Meditate upon 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. 

What are your plans for church membership and fellowship with fellow believers? Will you attend worship together? Will you pray together, study God's Word together and share your faith with one another? What plans do you have? 

In this connection you will want to continue your discussion about the second great purpose of marriage, namely to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it (Gen. 1:28-29). 

What about children? How much do you know about one another's sexual nature and needs? And how many children are you praying for? What views do you have about contraception and abortion? Are you both walking the same path in faithful submission to your LORD as concerns these matters? Do you want to talk more about this with me? 

And are you acquainted with one another's physical wellness? Are there any illnesses that you will have to face together? How will you handle these?  

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Many hours of discussion flow from these and similar questions, both with the pastor and in private. I offer them so that you too may take a prayerful look at your own marriage. . . and I pray that our loving God will also bless you as you work to establish and build your own family.